Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
