I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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