how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
