Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
