My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
