Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
