I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he thought i was a dude.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
