Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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