Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
