On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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