I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
