Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
