we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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