Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
