check it out our google latitudes are spooning
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
