It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
