According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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