Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
