How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
