I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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