So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
