Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
FUCK WHALES
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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