And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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