I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
