My pussy is not your playground.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
