We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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