I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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