He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
