I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
