i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
