Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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