hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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