I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
