it hurts more in the daytime
you traded sex for a burrito?
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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