I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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