so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
