Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
