He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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