Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
