I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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