dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
