I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
