Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
