He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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