Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
