Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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