3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
