"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
