You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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