I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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