someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
