How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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