I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
